I’m really sorry for that pun.

Welcome back to my TS3 Legacy!  Last time we were here, the Whelohff family had moved to Hidden Springs, killed a few people, and married Pierce Shawkti into the family.  Nothing too exciting, you see.  And Pierce had successfully impregnated Emilia, fulfilling his main function for the legacy.  As a recap, because I’ve forgotten too, this generation’s goals are Couple, Two Children, Equestrian/Video Game Design – Art, Change of Scenery, Gourmet.  Emilia was supposed to be a Stylist but it kept crashing my game, so we rerolled Equestrian.  Let’s do this!

So despite being married and pregnant now, Emilia still can’t get rid of her imaginary friend stalker.

“Why didn’t you marry me, Emilia?  We’ve been together since you were just a toddler…”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t.  Fuck off.”

“Well too bad, Emilia.  That’s a nice painting there.  But not as nice as photos of just us, friends forever–”

“You know, your doll form is flammable.”

“What a lovely room, don’t you think, Emilia?  Shame that it will have to be ruined…”

“Would you shut up?!”

“Ugh, I can’t believe you made me eat that!”

So while Emilia is in labour, Pierce here was protesting having to eat rotten food.  He walked into the bedroom, and I figured he’d stop and start freaking out, like most Sims…

Nope.

“AARRRRRGH, PIERCE, CALL 911, GET ME TO THE CAR, SOMETHING!”

“Zzzzzz, no hon, it’s only 8PM, zzzz”

We interrupt this drama for a cute photo.

So Pierce started to get up, and I think, her screaming woke him up, surely he’s going to react now, right?

Right?

“Ugh, Emilia, I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You think you’re going to be sick?!  You son of a bitch, when I finally push this thing out, I swear…”

“Gosh, someone needs to fix that computer.”

Seriously.  He went to bed, got up, threw up, and then went to the rocking chair.  He did not once react to Emilia.  I’ll have to pay you back for this one, Pierce.

“I really hate horses.” “I like parrots.”

“You hate horses, huh?!  Well I hate dogs, how about that?!” “I like sprinklers!”

“Huh, that’s funny, where did that baby come from?”

Meet Lucy, whose traits I do not remember at all.  Sorry.

“Ohhh, baby, I really need that massage.”

“Just a few more inches and I can get a good grip…”

I didn’t tell Emilia to make that face.  It’s like she’s pissed at him too.

Don’t judge, Emilia.  Teens have a right to love too.

“So how come you never let us have any, then?”

Because I suck.

But if the snow and all wasn’t an indication, it’s winter, and thus time for a holiday party (AKA free shit party).  Of course, we start it off with everyone being hopeless.  I like how Emilia and my simself are actively moving somewhere while complaining things are in their way.

And don’t worry.  It doesn’t get better at all.

“Um, I’m still stuck here.”

“Help, I’m stuck in this corner!”

“I hope I get a teddy.  Relive my youth.”

Oh, and my simself isn’t making out with the paparazzi over there.  She’s yawning in his face.

“Hello, we’re stuck in front of the coffee table!”

Notice how one of the cats has slept through all of this.

And then my simself stared at Emilia’s butt.  Good times all around.

Yes, Yumi, Lucy is a werewolf!  I installed a mod that gives a chance for supernatural mutations on the full moon, or maybe it was StoryProgression.  Either way, yay!

So I guess the party went well and all, since we cut to the mailman being an idiot.  Also Pierce is on the treadmill in there.  I realize it looks like he’s running to a fire or something.

Seriously, Hidden Springs has no shortage of idiots.

So Pierce here came with a job in Athletics, and technically, I should have immediately had him quit for the game designer job.  But his LTW is to reach the top of Athletics, and he is quite close, so I decided that as long as I get him into game designer before he’s an elder, it’s okay.  But the sooner the better, so get cracking, Pierce!

Emilia, meanwhile, was making poor life decisions.

“Here Cocoa, have some delicious granola while I wear the worst thing possible!”

I can only assume she was in the hot tub.

“No, I am NOT interested in your product that will give me muscle tone in 30 days or my money back.  I already have tone, bitch, and it didn’t take any hack on the phone to get it!”

“Do I need a computer mouse to play this game?”

“No, gramps, this is a physical game.”

“You mean like Red Hands?”

“What?”

And outside, Emilia was still making poor life decisions.

“What are you talking about?  I’m riding bareback.  This outfit is completely appropriate.”

“Giant Dog, how did I end up among these mad beings?”

“Bad luck, tiny horse.  Back luck.”

Gosh, Boots is such a beautiful horse.

So because her parents are neglectful, Sydney is the one taking care of her half-sister.  Why Lucy looks so concerned about it, I’m not sure.

“Maybe, if I place this baby here, she’ll feed herself and I can answer my phone…”

And pop goes Lucy into toddlerhood and… Oh dear.  Zo’s nose.  Zo’s nose. 😦

Charles paints someone who is definitely not Zo.

“I hate you, Muchi.  I hate your loud snoring, your face, your…”

What the cat did to her, I do not know.

“Yes, toilet, yes!  Clog!  Froth!  Spill over!  Do my evil deeds!”

“Doggy!  My toy!”

And guess who is still the one taking care of Lucy?

“But why potty, Sydney?”

“Because diapers suck, kid.”

I mean, Pierce had better things to do.  Like cheat death.  Sadly, he’s brave, so it means he gets to just do this over and over and over again.

I’m seriously blanking on a caption, here.  Make your own!

“Um, excuse me, I’m stuck in the garage!”

So we ended up with quick-sand garage doors.

But forget those, it’s party time again!  My Sim brought shrimp.  Those aren’t vegetarian, me.

“Bite me.”

Sasha brought a cheese platter…

“It’s the least I could do.  It’s just so good to see the family and the fact that they can’t clean the counters.”

And then the full moon came out.

“ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH THAT CHESS GAME SUCKED!”

Don’t ask me why Blake wants to beat up our plant.  I don’t know either.

“Hmph, serves you right for threatening the foliage.”

If we can move away from werewolves and foliage, it’s Sydney’s birthday!  I can kick her out of the house and get that second child!

“Heh heh, I’m ready for her to move right in on me…”

That makes no sense, moving on.

Oh… My…

“Hell yeah, I’m ready for a sorority!  Go Gerbits!”

And then, shocker, the cow plant ate someone.  But it was Pierce scolding it that got everyone to come out.

“Boo, let it eat people!  They deserve it!”

“Clever move, sir.  Moving a pawn.  Clever…”

Don’t worry about Sydney; she didn’t move in with creeper.  She moved in with her boyfriend and will be happy with him.

“You want this lollipop, huh?  Do ya?  Do ya?”

“Ugh, this tastes so bad that I’m hallucinating floating cheese…”

Oh, that isn’t an illusion.  That’s my game proving that no matter where I go, or what I try, the glitches will follow me.

“Oh, um, sorry sir, didn’t realize you were in here.  Is… Is your hair supposed to be pink?”

When a ghost walks in on you showering… With hair dye your kid slipped into it.

Emilia, sweetie, you’re supposed to bathe Muchi, not drown him.

“This is garbage, I tell you.  The game has taken my grace and style, and I look like a homeless man who took a blow to the face.  I am supposed to be the epitome of style!  Instead I look like a nursing home escapee!”

I definitely don’t overwork my Sims.  Look at that plumbob!

“Oh, delightful.  I wonder if we can ignore this one too!”

Well hell knows Pierce will.

“Can you say ‘Poppa should never be photographed’?”

“Photogwaph?”

Dammit, Pierce!  You didn’t get to twelve hours in a row!

“I have to pee, okay?!”

I think Charles’s face says it all.  Since Sydney left, he’s the one taking care of Lucy.

“Hmmm, which shape is this?”

I think I forced her over there, considering she has an imaginary friend.

“If that gnome starts heating the plants like Cocoa, I swear…”

God, I love watching dogs play with this toy.  The horse ball doesn’t work for me, but the dog one does and it’s hilarious.

“Um, hello, you were an idiot and blocked off an apple tree with other plants!”

Whoops.

“Maybe if we light a match, we can burn the smell off…”

“What a clown.”

That’s right, time for another party!  Charles, don’t walk through Sydney.

“Why not?”

“Ugh, have those two heard of a room?”

“Gosh, that incense is incredible!”

I love how only the dog gives a shit about Sasha’s playing.  And how very pissed Sasha looks about it.

“Guitar, you will play well or I swear I will shred you!”

“Well, she told us to get a room, honey!”

Hey, hold up!  You don’t live here anymore!

“Excuse me, but I’m Elwood, and this seems like a good time to die.”

No!  Elwood!

Elwood!

“Aaaah, gotta stretch for the long jump to the afterlife.”

“Oh gosh, Elwood!”

“You know, you interrupted my guitar for this.”

“Forget your guitar, I was busy judging everyone!”

“There’s a good kitty, ack, no, my eyes are somewhere there, OW!”

Yes, see this toy, yes, jump for it, Elwood!  JUMP!”

Good to see Emilia paying attention.

But no, it was my simself who was the classiest of them all!

“Booooo, your grieving is so uncool!  How dare you be sad about death!”

And then there was grief sex.

I tried sending the werewolves hunting, but it didn’t go so well.

“Help, I don’t know how to get to the hunt!”

“Neither do I!”

“HELP!”

“I can’t believe what those two just did.  Wait until they see the expose I’m going to write about this!”

So, back to the bloody, bonfire, which lasted far beyond when the rest of the family was asleep…

“Oh my GOD, your husband is so boring!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Hmm, I guess I should pick her up and put her to bed, but I don’t know.”

May not be worth it, with Sasha stalking you with a guitar and all.

 

In other news, one of my stupid Sims didn’t put the turtle back.

“Excuse me, but I’m starving!”

No one told you to stay here overnight, you idiot.

Nor you, paparazzi.  Get out.

“Forget the stupid party guests, I’m going to pop!  ARRRRRGH!”

And it was another lonely birth.  Meet Bruce!  I remember one of his traits: Evil.

Pierce was busy doing stuff for me.  Come on, get to 8 hours!  You’re so close!

I guess the afterlife just doesn’t have good couches.

Sorry for the crap picture, but FINALLY!  Next is 12 hours.

And then a rodent died.

Has anyone ever gotten these two weird bugs before?  I think one of the cats caught them or something.

“Waaaah, Elwood died!”

“Yes, Cocoa, but I’m still not letting you in here.”

“Damn.”

Man, I’m exhausted.  This constant working — out and about — is really taking its toll.

“Finally, home.  But why do I still feel so… Weird?”

“Oh my god!”

That’d be why.

“What… What happened?!”

You ignored your wife in labour, I have way too many mummy potions, and I’ve never had a mummy.  That’s what 😀

“Hi, Pierce!  I love you, Pierce!”

Dogs: they don’t care what you are.

Hey, Emilia, maybe you should consider going home.

“Do I have to?”

“This takes forever!  Why did you do this to me?”

Because I was bored?

“WAAAAAAAAAH I’M HUNGWWWWWWYYYYY!”

Don’t worry.  It’ll only take him another five hours to get there.

“Bottle?”

“Man, Bruce, this place gets weirder every time I turn around.  At least he keeps his bandages well-wrapped.  Perfection!”

“Shut up, Charles.”

“I… I don’t know if I should follow this strange being…”

“Come on, Lucy, it’s me, Daddy!”

“I have a Daddy?!”

And he taught you a skill, somehow.

“Oh, you were turned into a Mummy, Pierce?  Well I’m afraid I’m awfully tired, so I think I’ll go to bed…”

“Oh shut up.”

So then the damn stereo broke, and I read that mummies can’t be electrocuted, so I went hey, perfect job for Pierce!

As it turns out, they CAN be electrocuted.  They just won’t DIE from it.

Also I thought they don’t like fire, but Pierce walks by it just fine.

So fine, I thought, Emilia can take care of it.  She has mechanical points.

Or not.

Chaaaaaaarles!

“Grr, stupid family, can’t do anything around here, they’re lucky I’m still around…”

Yep, he fixed it no problem.

“Yellow is one, one little brush!

Green is two, two big splosh!

And blue is three, three little tosh!”

I can’t rhyme, so sue me.

In the mean time, there’s one big advantage to mummies: they have no bladder.  Work out, Pierce, work out!

“Uggh, I’m so late for work, uggggh…”

“Gods, and I thought this neighborhood was weird enough with the green chick.  Hurry up, you paper maiche man!”

“Yay!  I survived toddlerhood!”

Yay, you’ll be semi-useful!

“Sorry, I need to interrupt this birthday with a foal.”

“I can see my nooooooose!”

It’s certainly big enough.

“Hello?  Hello?  No I am not Tutankhamen!  I can’t refund you for the curse!”

“Excuse me, but I am right tired of this.”

No!  Charles!

“Oh, fancy that.”

CHARLES!

“Dad!  DAD!”

“Excuse me, Charles, but it is your time.”

“Please, Grim, I’m so tired, can’t you let me get a bit more sleep?!”

No no no no, I hate when they beg 😦  And Charles is my favourite Sim of all time.  He shouldn’t be begging!  I gave him everything!  CHARLES!

CHAAAARLLLLLLESSSSSS!

Well, I guess I can show you the foal.  This is Jackrabbit, and it appears that he is not a Giraffe Horse.

So close to 12 hours, Pierce, so close… You can do it…

“WAAAAAH CHARLES IS DEAD.”

You know, Pierce, killing you is still an option.

“These dirty dishes are gross, Emilia.  I can’t believe we’ve let go like this!”

“Says the man who smells like the grave.”

“I’m a mummy!”

“Guess what?!  There’s a new stalker in town!”

Oh joy!

“Is this really candy?  Why is it so two-dimensional?”

Laziness, I imagine.

“Ugh, I’m so tired, why are you making me drink this?”

Because like the mummy potions, we have way too many chemistry potions, and unlike alchemy potions, we can’t sell them.  Time to get rid of a few.

Lucy is creative, though.  She locked the stalker under the stairs.  Even though there’s no door there.

Her reward is gross food, just like what everyone else in the family gets.

Metrosexual Paparazzi, get away from Bruce right now.

“Video games suck, especially when they don’t render properly!”

“Could you get your speech bubble out of my throat, please?”

“I don’t know, Mom.  What if the  cake sets on fire?  What if Bruce sets on fire?”

Incredibly, neither of those happened, and here’s little Bruce!

“Gosh, I love little kids.  That’s why I plan to have 50.”

I just cracked up at Sasha’s butt taking up this photo.  What was I doing when I took this?

Blake… Blake, you were actually useful and fed the kid!

“Well, Charles isn’t around to stalk anymore…”

“WAAAAAH MY DAD IS DEAD!”

“Can you say ‘sweet, sweet inheritance’, Bruce?”

“Kill Daddy!”

“Close enough.”

Well you sure didn’t stay in the grave long.

“I smell like mildew if I’m done there for too long.  Gotta keep fresh.”

“Daddy, it’s been forever.  When can I go to bed?”

Mummies: not so good for carrying things.

Dogs: not so good for a nice yard.

Boredom: not so good for my poor Sims.

“Wait, hold up, what is–”

“Augh, what have you DONE to me?!”

I’ve never had a SimBot, and fancy that, I have a million of those potions too!  Ha!

“Cocoa, I understand this is weird, but we really need to win some races and–”

“Screw you, Terminator, I’m starving!”

“Can you say ‘best athlete’, Bruce?”

“Kick Daddy.”

“Close enough.”

“So, Daddy, if you’re a mummy, how are you so fit?”

“I don’t let undeath take away my motivation.”

He doesn’t let it get in the way of the fire, either.

“Oh god… Why is my butt so warm?!”

Maybe you should stop playing with the damn horses so much.

“Jeez, woman, you can go home any time!  What is wrong with you?”

“Crazy paparazzi.  Can’t see why they constantly want to be at our place anyway.”

*angels sing*

You did it, Pierce!  YOU DID IT!

And finally, you get your reward.

Mummies are nice in a lot of ways, but they are just way, way too slow.  It was time to return Pierce to normal, especially since he had finally gotten those big wants.

Not that he was grateful in any way.

“ARGH I’M STARVING!”

“And that’s how Daddy proved his worth to the gods.  The end!”

And that’s the end to this post, as well!  Find out next time: will Emilia survive as a SimBot?  Will I turn Pierce into something else?  Will anyone finally realize that Bruce is plotting their murders?  Find out next time!