Hello everyone, and welcome back to the second half of Month VII of my BACC! Last time we were here, Andy got married to his Townie love Christy Stratton, Jason got abducted by aliens, and I could not spell a single fucking person’s name right. Brain fog is a powerful thing, guys.
“Ugh, I can’t believe I’m back here.”
As always, the Cable family has money problems, since their store has the smallest profit margin and all. Time to fix that, Jack!
Being the only grocery store in town has its advantages in the form of a lot of customers. Buy, people, buy! Buy it all!
Of course, it’d go a lot smoother if a certain someone would stop having nervous breakdowns.
“WAAAAAH! My life sucks! I wasted my youth desperately attending to two ungrateful alien children!”
Don’t be fooled into thinking things are better at the Castle of FUN! either.
“Yes, grocery man, don’t you want to come party?”
“You bastard! How dare you offer that grocery man admittance!”
“Oh he’s just a creepy stalker, baby. You’re the one for me!”
Castle of FUN! is popular though — a bit too much for a certain Servo, who ran out of power and shut down in the middle of visiting our lot.
“Would you power up and leave?! I want to get back home!”
Yeah, we were stuck waiting until Maxima got enough power. Ugh.
“Where’s that burglar?! I know I can get him!”
Maybe we should have stayed at the castle.
Just kidding. It was Plasmosis being caught again.
“WAAAAAH I JUST WANT TO BREAK THE LAW. WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT?!”
Nery, hon, if he doesn’t already know you’re gay, nothing short of a semi to the head will get it through.
“Please, please forgive me, Jeffrey! I am only a lonely man, trapped in this house by a scornful lover!”
Yeah, okay, so trapped we’re having a birthday party.
“Hell yeah, half-sis! Smustle like you mean it!”
“Ugh, my niece is such a brat.”
“So no, I do not think business is a worthwhile pursuit.”
So much love at this party.
“I really like all of the pets here. I wish we could have more than just Lilly!”
“UGH WHO WANTS PETS, HONESTLY EURO.”
Um, excuse me, you two, mind waiting just an hour or so more.
“Glad you could pull yourself away from the hot tub, Endo.”
“Oh shut up.”
Worst birthday photo ever? Psh, who needs to see full faces or the birthday boys. Overrated I say.
But here are our boys post-makeover! I’d tell you why Nery and Jack are flipping out in Endo’s photo, but I really don’t know what’s going on there. All I know is Endo doesn’t like Jack’s creepy knuckle-touch.
“Grrr, how dare my grandkids grows up!”
“Think you can mess with my garden, eh, Plasmosis?!”
“What did I say about being in the garden, huh?! HUH?!”
“Psh, screw what grandma thinks, I rock!”
“Dad, get over here, we need your opinion on something.”
“What?”
“Whether the dog matches with the carpet well enough.”
This picture provided without comment.
“Oh Kaylene, I’m so glad you were able to come with me.”
“Oh Endo…!”
One time warp later…
“Oh Kaylene, my plumbob is platinum, the moon is reflecting beautifully, marry me!”
Kaching, kaching… And another couple set!
Really, Endo? You just got engaged and you want a toaster pastry?
And then she wanted jello.
Want a romantic meal, guys.
But hey, guess it worked!
“Oh baby, just ignore the grave of my angry grandmother.”
You… You don’t have to clean the dog bed.
“But I want to.”
Shouldn’t you all be working?
“Hey, it’s the Castle of FUN! Wooo!”
Yeah, they have fun, all right.
“Woooo! Public WooHoo! Have a star!”
“Mutual wolf whistling! Have a star!”
“Powered down on the sidewalk again! Have a star!”
Since the work ethic at the Castle of FUN! clearly is lacking, I sent Endo along to help. Well, in theory.
“Girl, you would look faaaaabulous in a dress.”
Deeeeefinitely just in theory.
“Hey Dad, congrats on learning how to do your homework from Grandma those many years ago. Good on you.”
I’d love to tell you what’s going on in this photo, but frankly I have no idea.
“God, owl cat, I hate you! I hope you die!”
This house is just a pile of discord no matter the species.
“Ugh, Nery, I can’t believe I ever liked you.”
“Yeah, thanks Jack. Like you’re such a catch yourself.”
“You know, maybe I was a bit harsh. I might have just lost some hot WooHoo action. I should go apologize.”
“Dammit, Grim, you interrupted me!”
“Whoa, whoa, can’t I get one last chat with him? He’s literally right inside…”
“Yeah forget this, I came for hot Nery WooHoo, not to watch some old dude croak.”
“Huh, say, is that Dad dying over there?”
“Um, helloooo? I can’t mourn Jack OR greet my boy toy! There are cats in the way!”
RIP, Jack. You had a mighty shitty time thanks to the alien twins. Hopefully Death will treat you better.
“WAAAAAH NO NOT JACK!”
They were one of those couples. Fought constantly, loved fiercely.
“Endo… *sniff* Jack died.”
“Um, that’s great, but I’m kind of busy right now…”
You know, maybe we should just leave the garden to the ghosts. They clearly want it.
“So that Jack character, heh heh…”
“He totally passed out once, heh heh…”
Glad to see you moved on so quickly, Nery.
“You know, mac and cheese is great, but I was really hoping for something sweeter, heh heh.”
“There’s gotta be a way to defeat those ghosts. I will conquer that garden! But how…”
“Hey guys, you know, these stupid lamps are a bitch to carry around, so how about you get one. Times are hard in this place. Enjoy now.”
“You know, I had kind of figured that we’d get better than Chinese with Dad’s inheritance money…”
“Chinese is the food of royalty, bro. Trust me.”
“Let me tell you, Lyndsay, I have had some rocking WooHoo in my day–”
“Wait, why am I, gah, no I’m not ready to grow–”
“ARRRRGH!”
“Heh heh, I’m smoking!”
Would you just run the damn store, please.
And we end this lot with this. You know you have a lot of dead pets when they play with each other.
Benjamin’s household is busy as always, though he’s kind enough to get aspiration points for making toys.
Michelle is busy checking the interwebz…
And the stray animals are duking it out outside.
“This is my house to stalk!”
“Oh hell no, it’s mine!”
“Hello, yes, I’d like to buy a business lot. Can it be dog-proofed first though?”
And here’s that lot now! Right at the edge of the cliff, so poor Benjamin has to force his car (or the taxi) up a huge-ass hill. Kind of like Connecticut or San Francisco.
What better shop to have on such a lot than an open toy market?
“Why yes, we only have the best toys here, and they’re guaranteed to be weather-proof!”
Do you think taking care of the roaches will make me like you again, guy who I believe to be Amin?
“Bite me.”
Ah yeah, look at our sexy, sexy toy shop. At least we have walls now! Toys make a pretty good profit; not as good as robots, but enough to bring in a tidy sum.
Ignore Benjamin passing out while calling the taxi. Being self-employed requires sacrifices.
Then some family-friendly WooHoo…
Yes, Benjamin, babies come from WooHoo.
And here’s Jessica and a creepy coworker! As you can see, Melissa is thrilled about her firstborn growing up.
Very thrilled.
Very thrilled.
“Look, Mommy is really sorry she gave you food poisoning.”
“Mommy mean.”
Way to get aspiration points, Benjamin.
“Bite me.”
“Kissing is the best thing ever, Jess.”
“Meet people?”
“Generally better to wait a bit longer after that.”
Oh yeah, the parents are having a great time.
I would totally love an angry paper maiche kite though.
“How are there are no child adopting services in the paper?!”
And on the lamp, a note that reads:
I wasn’t kidding about having too many of these. The factory had an overstock and since they’re dirt cheap, I’m just handing them out. Genies weight forty pounds each; you think I want to lug 400 pounds around?! Sincerely, Gypsy Matchmaker
Way to get a piddly amount of aspiration points, Benjamin.
“And again: bite me.”
Also maybe don’t eat your kid’s face.
“Oh baby, the inside of your cheek feels so good!”
“Hmmmm, I don’t know. You don’t look like you weigh forty pounds!”
“It’s all in the beard.”
“Hmmm, I don’t know. I’m pretty happy just being out of the woodland gang. But I guess some money would be nice so we stop being permanently broke.”
CLANG!
That night…
“Heh heh. I knew bribing the matchmaker to give everyone genies would pay off! Greedy pigs!”
“WAHH, where did you come from?!”
“Um, I’m over here, not there.”
“You’re going down, burglar punk! I didn’t insert bird DNA into me to become a harpy for nothing!”
‘
“Well maybe you should stick to singing, harpy bitch!”
“Uggggh, I think the excitement of the burglary is forcing the baby out!”
Right, that’s why you’re giving birth later after a nice bath.
Meet Mary Ann.
“Oh, Jess, you’re such a good little toddler!”
Time for that “good little toddler” to turn into a good little kid.
“Tada!”
Jessica is a 7/10/1/7/8. So basically a spoiled princess.
It seems that this gesture even goes down to the grandkids.
“Hmmm, does this form a perfect square, I don’t know…”
This blond dude comes home with Michelle every. Single. Night. He has the face of the driver, yet clearly is a full Sim, and all he or anyone in this family ever wants to do is play Mahjong.
“Man, a can of beer would go great with this game.”
“Daddy, why are we having soup when it isn’t rainy?’
Yeah, sorry, I crapped out on a caption for this picture. Make your own!
God, look at how cute that baby’s face is. Especially compared to Creepy Coworker.
Pop goes Mary Ann into a pink-haired bumblebee.
Really, you two?!
“I have a new game we could play…”
“Hmph. Lousy parents, not giving me any food.”
Oh yeah, you know you love my buildings. Welcome to the new and improved Terrific Toys!
Not just walls; not just flooring; but wallpaper, lights, and items galore! That’s what you get from a #1 store!
Even Romance Sims can’t resist our toys!
*pause for horror to sit in*
“And that’s how Daddy got arrested.”
And that’s when I knew the week was over!
“Hmmm, I could have sworn I gave the evil aliens the right directions…”
Well, maybe the evil aliens didn’t come, but it looks like a stray just broke its spine so…
“Gosh, Nery just grew old! And he’s still smoking!”
“You know, Jeffrey, I was coming to hear to ask you to stop spying…”
“I do it out of love.”
“I can’t believe he called me a creeper, Rover. Why does everyone keep calling me that?”
Everyone wants a piece of Nery.
“You should get a reward, my man. Best club ever.”
“I run the only club.”
“Exactly.”
We invited one too many people, though, so not everyone fit at the table.
“No, I am not impressed with its length.”
Excuse me, but is there a reason you are all hanging out in the kitchen?
“Whatever; my parents own the restaurant, so who cares?”
I do. Get out!
“Oh my, but Nery is a fox, isn’t he?”
“I’ll say! Phew!”
“Yes, Rover, good boy, very good boy!”
“Yes, you’re the best dog any man could ask for! But if you don’t mind, I need to go have some… FUN!”
So I send him over, only to find the employees are very busy.
Jeffrey convinced Nery to take time out of his busy schedule to relax.
Then, back at home–
“Yes, yes, you give them your paw and let then shake it. Then the real stalking can begin!”
“And then she threatened to call security, but then I said, baby, it’s the Castle of FUN! And security’s no fun!”
And that’s all it took to get into Bruce’s pants.
“So I think you should at least drive me to work after making me late.”
“Endo, my boy! It’s great to hear from you, but I’m in the middle of something very important…”
“Yes, Rover, good boy! You’re one step closer to being the top dog!”
His job complete, Jeffrey settled down to nap the weekend away.
One last household!
“Haha, look at how perfect these vegetables are! The Cables have nothing on me!”
The Cables also have no plant Sims, unexpected twins, and a haunted garden.
It seems silly to me to open another grocery, so most of what Meadow grows is either sold or eaten by the family. Mmmm mmm, blended beans!
It appears to have some side effects though.
“Look, Dad– *hic* I’m a pirate– ah-*hic*-oy!”
“Ah, yes, I can perfectly frame this plumbob–”
Terry could you cut that out please.
“Oh hi there Kaylene!”
“Hi guys!”
Lilac is… Interesting-looking. The top half of her head is Meadow, while the bottom half is Plant Sim Ideal. She kind of looks like a skull.
She also very clearly has no spine.
“That’s right, Mom, I’m outta here!”
“I’m just saying, Dad, there are customers who need help…”
“But I’m old and frail!”
“You liar. You’re just avoiding people!”
“And you aren’t?”
“Shut up.”
“All right, Anita, you’ve terrorized enough people. Time to– why do I feel a nose up my butt?”
“Ow– hey! Do you mind? I’m trying to reap someone here!”
“Freakin’ dogs, I swear.”
That’s not nice, Kaylene.
“Finally, that stupid dog is gone!”
“This calls for a party!”
And so a party it was!
“Oh, my fiance is so manly!”
“Well hello there, Jason! Didn’t think you could just sneak by, did you?”
“So do you think anyone will watch the ceremony?”
“Nah.”
And yet someone did! Sure, it was the smelly family dog but…
“Hmmm, what are these humans doing? So very strange.”
People started to file in, but as usual, there were issues.
“Ugh, when is this over?”
“Say, the stars look beautiful tonight.”
“Maxima, you took my seat!”
“Hell yes, the Baguet family! The Landgraabs of the forest!”
“Oh, isn’t it beautiful, Jason?”
“Yes, yes! Bravo!”
Notice how no one else bothers to clap. Don’t you care about your brother marrying, Plasmosis?
That’s better. Way to be extremely late to the party, Benjamin.
“A wedding, all right!”
Awww, a picture-perfect wedding. For once.
“Forget a wedding cake; I have something even better!”
“Tada! A flaming wedding cake!”
You kind of missed the wedding, honey.
“Well there’s tape to manage and people to get out of my hair…”
“WHoooooa maybe trying this was a bad ideaaaaaaa!”
“Wow, what a great wedding!”
“Definitely. I want a sphere now!”
“Sooooo how ’bout that WooHoo?”
“Hmph. I wanted some WooHoo too but nooooo.”
“Yeah, great, the rest of my siblings have gotten married and gotten action and I’m still stuck doing homework.”
“AUGH WHY DO WE HAVE THIS THING?!”
For the entertainment of course!!
“Um, guys, you know I’m trying to take a shower, so if you could all leave…”
“Oh my gosh, pregnancy!”
“So you know what I want right now? Ice cream. Ice cream and eggs!”
I think the dog agrees with your cravings.
But Endo is up to no good at the Castle of FUN!
“Why hello there! Nice day for leering at people, isn’t it?”
“Um, hi there. I’m kind of busy right now… Um, just interviewing people. Nothing major.”
“So, Endo, how much will it take to keep your wife from knowing you’re here?”
“Ah yeah, Maxima, this is why I put in the photobooth!”
“Very exciting, Nery!”
“Are you kidding me?! The nerve of my sister’s husband!”
The nerve indeed! Let that icon blare high!
“Ho-hum, nothing to do. I suppose I could play with the dogs that I demand to own, but that just sounds boring.”
“Yes, hello? My husband is at the Castle of FUN!? Well I’m sure marriage is a bit stressful so why don’t you call me back if he does something truly heinous.”
“Seeing a play? No no, the Castle of FUN! isn’t for… Refined entertainment.”
“It’s not the type of place for intellectuals. More like the opposite.”
“Oh, I see. For ‘artistic’ people.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Like Andrew.”
“Yes. Like Andrew.”
“ARGGGGH!”
“Oh Endo, heh heh– some chick called claiming you were cheating on me…”
“W-What?”
“So maybe you should give me some attention or I might just believe it…”
“Don’t worry, Maxx old boy, I haven’t forgotten about you. Here’s a treat for not killing the whole family.”
“Um, I appear to be surrounded by flowers and a dog…”
Well maybe don’t date around and you won’t have that problem.
Kaylene isn’t bothered much, though. As long as she’s filling her mind with knowledge, she’s happy.
“Hmm, Andrew said this is fun, and he’s a Pleasure Sim, so he should know!”
“Now look, I don’t care if you’re both Pleasure Sims. I don’t think Endo is right for Kaylene, and I don’t care that he let you go out.”
“Now Dad…”
“No! Don’t take his side! He’s sneaking out on her, I know it! And I won’t let you do the same!”
“Why do you have to be so mean?! Some people weren’t meant to follow the rules!”
“And some people weren’t meant to have fingernails.”
“Augh, the baby is coming, Mom! What do I do?”
“How should I know? I never paid attention to anyone but the dogs and the garden.”
Meet Kathren.
“Woo, a baby! Five-star delivery!”
“Endo. See you deigned to show up.”
“Huh?”
“Now if I close my eyes and count to ten, I’m sure their paper will appear in my hand…”
Andrew, you’re kind of sleeping through every major event.
“Well maybe if you would let me eat normal food, I wouldn’t be so tired!”
Okay, I don’t know why I took this picture. Presumably I needed to buy this for them to pay taxes, or maybe someone left it as the most bizarre dating gift ever. Either way, here you go!
“Look, Kaylene, there’s a lot to aspire to when you live for Pleasure. Partying, drinking, puking on the sphere…”
Just in case you’re wondering, yes, we still go to the shop once in a while. Apparently we failed to add some wallpaper, but otherwise we’re doing well.
“Congratulations on not going to college, dear.”
“Dad, do you really have to rub that in?!”
Well, look who’s back again. You really suck at this, Andrew. I’m just trying to get your aspirations up!
“Bite me.”
Luckily for him, the family is too busy to notice.
“Yes, Maxx, you’re such a good boy!”
“Oh, Meadow, you’re such a good kisser!”
All right, let’s get this baby grown up. Things to do and all.
Oh my. The kid seems stunned by her own looks!
“Oh yes, baby, you learned to walk! +5000 aspiration points!”
When the Knowledge Sim gets aspiration points but the Family Sims don’t…
“No, our floors are not for peeing on! Why is this so difficult?!”
And on that really beautiful note, that’s the end of this episode! Finally, eh? Next time: how many more babies? Will Andrew ever grow up? Where did Lilac go? And will Jeffrey stop being weird? See you then.
Into the Sims 