Hallo Alles, und wilkommen auf meine TS3 Legacy! Last time we were here, Trent Pleasant jointed the family in a traditional pee wedding, then went on a traditional honeymoon to beat up people. We now shall join them and their five hundred ghost slaves.

Bruce, being Bruce, still has his favourite blood diamonds on his mind, though I think he’s confusing why they’re called blood diamonds.

“Can I make them out of horse blood?”

He could try making them out of our very confused paparazzi.

“I must protect my face from the invisible bees!”

Confusion seems to be the order of the morning, actually.

“Um, help, I can’t figure out how to get past Laura!”
“You better figure out how to get that plate out of my abdomen before I turn you into incense.”

I know your family is crazy, Lamont, but that’s no excuse for pouring your drink onto the floor.

I distinctly remember us having a dining room.

“Where Lamont is pouring booze on the rugs? No thanks.”

“Oh ice cream, baby…”

“You remind me of my daughter’s new mother-in-law. Sexy!”

And that’s when I figured I should distract Bruce with the horses.

Not that it worked out.

“Forget that, help me get unstuck from this grass quicksand!”

So it was time for another party, who knows why, and as you can see my simself came in like the hot stuff she is. Cargo pants, argyle knee-highs, and a Victorian-inspired blouse, whoa baby.

At least I wasn’t getting faeries stuck to me, though.

“Look, I can’t move, can you back off?!”

Poor Bex’s simself. Faerie dust doesn’t come out in the wash easily.

Rather than socialize at the party, Bruce decided to go on a quest.

“Come on, Drifter, we have diamonds to find!”

“Ah, yes, today is a good day to burn everything to the motherfucking ground.”

“So you think the diamonds are here? I suppose it’s possible…”

Meanwhile, at the mystery party that I don’t remember the context for…

Sure, thanks, Nikolas, make ice cream and thus cause the whole damn party to crowd around to try and get some. God that machine is annoying.

On a funny note, I had to look through my Sims to figure out Nikolas’s name, and I found out that Bruce is apparently dead enemies with a cat. Why? I have no idea.

“Dad I… Don’t think that’s how you eat muffins.”
“So I’m Rudolph the Muff-Nosed Reindeer, what’s wrong with that?!”

Well now I know the context of the party: a feast.

Unlike this party, where Bruce’s costume is best not thought about.

“My frankie is way better than yours, see?”
“Please put your pants on, sir. Don’t make me call the cops.”

Tonya, you could join the feast.

“Or I could become ripped. I think I made the right choice.”

Meanwhile, Bex came home in time to reject their spouse’s own party.

“I can’t eat that hot dog and therefore, I don’t like it!”

Er, Thunder?

“I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE, BUT THE FUTURE ALSO SAW ME. I HAVE SEEN THE DEATH OF THIS UNIVERSE, AND THE BIRTH OF THE NEW ONE. AND I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN.”

Well that’s great and all but Jessica needs to improve her riding.

“Oh god, is that really a ghost behind me?! I hope I didn’t get ectoplasm on my shoes!”

The costume party is at the other house, dude.

Nothing like a fight-honeymoon to get a baby going!

“What the hell were these pigs doing when I was away?! This is no way for the house to look with a baby on the way!”

I think we have bigger problems than the counters.

“Help, the tree is in my way!”

The tree is no where near you.

And if this little cute is in your way, well, I can’t help you there.

“All part of my plan to sell insurance!”

“Sigh. Rotten leftovers for the next year. Why did I leave being a townie?”

“That’s it, I’m tunneling my way out of here.”

Wait, I want you guys to eat that! Don’t waste food!

“Bite me, it’s well and truly wasted by now.”

Trent managed to find his way back into the house. I’m not entirely sure where his hair went, but hey.

Jessica, meanwhile, is being a good little pregnant Sim and learning all about her upcoming baby.

“Rule One: Don’t drop it.”

“Zo is blocking my rocking chair! This isn’t fair!”
“Finders keepers, love! Arthritis doesn’t go away once you’re a ghost!”
“Don’t you think I know that?! Gimme the chair!”
“What are you going to do, kill me?”
“GRRRR…”

Well this picture has several issues. I could point out our many potions and how a light and window are phasing through, but more concerning is the magical disappearing wall that we have on the bathroom.

“Oh hell no! I’ll clean your dishes and shit, but I will not interact with the cat!”

All I ask is that you people stop squeezing into door frames and forcing me to take crap photos!

“Man this sauna is the best. Maybe being a spare forced to live at home isn’t so bad after all.”

“Now if only the paparazzi would stop staring at my butt.”
“I’m not staring at your butt! Honest! I just want to sleep in your house– NOT LIKE THAT!”

I don’t recall giving you a mobster job, but whatever fits, I guess.

“Food for my family, fresh from the mob!”

“Yeah, it didn’t work out. Turns you you shouldn’t trust the mob to have fresh produce.”

“I swear to god, buddy, if you don’t leave my property I will turn this around and–”

“Oh my gosh, she stood up and changed into her swimswear, incredible!”

YOu could go home, Bruce. And why are there little paw prints floating from your chest?

“It is part of my conversion into a centaur. My legs should fall off soon.”

“Heh. Bye bye lusty paparazzi.”

This just in: Whisker is a problem cat.

But at least he’s not floating in midair like the dog is. Man but this house does have problems.

“Whatever, punks, it’s my castle.”

“Now if only the love of my life didn’t leave me!”
“Um, could you get out of the way, you’re blocking the toilet.”

“Ugh, they invited you, Dad? When will they realize you’re evil?”
“Who are you to call me evil?!”
“Um, your son?”
“Who?”

I don’t know how this town has any foundation to stand on with so many giant-ass tunnels around it.

Speaking of giant-ass tunnels…

“My daughter is giving birth? Well what do I care, I have the paparazzi’s heart on toast!”

Meet Christine and Anna. The new parents, as you can see, are thrilled.

Well that’s two of the five children you two need to have. Time for them to swing their infancy away.

“Human, we are here and await your command.”
“Yes. Should you will the son to vanish behind the clouds, we shall make it happen.”

Tonight on All Horror Channel, the Rise of the Cat Keeper.

“No, dude, Shaka BRA, with feeling!”
“Shurka bruuuuuh?”

Look, while you’re awake you might as well do something useful.

After all, this imaginary friend business is becoming a bit much.

“Get out of here, Pat!”
“I swear it was an accident!”
“You picked the lock!”

Not that it is hard to do, but these two are far better parents than Bruce and Tonya. Of course, it’s perfectly possible that I’m forcing them to do this, but whatever.

Then again…

“Dropping them in the swamp? Well I suppose they would decompose quickly!”

“I think I kind of like my kids, though, and I don’t want to fish up one of their skulls one day.”

“Okay, Pat, we’ve had enough of your garbage excuses. Drink this and get the hell out.”

“If only she’d turn into a ghost.”

“So this is reality, then?”
“Yep. No more perving on me.”
“Well, at least now I can perv on someone else.”

And so she did, by going down to the local protest against handcuffs. Never mind she’s perving on her best friend’s grandmother.

I don’t think you are supposed to impale yourself on the deck, Drifter.

“Neither do I, but the greatest human ever suggested it.”

Meanwhile, Natasha was out on the town, being not so subtle towards one of Bex’s kids, Dan. The fact that he looks a lot like Daniel of chapters past is purely coincidental and slightly creepy.

Apparently, Dan did not mind Natasha’s forward behaviour.

In fact, they were both willing to be more creative in their love lives.

And thus Natasha snatched her first kiss with Dan, though it looks like they missed.

Not to worry, though, they figured it out, even with the snow coming in!

Bruce, since when do you care about kids?!

“Well no one else will ensure that they are evil!”

True.

“Move, that should be my food!”
“Get out of my personal space, it’s mine!”
“But I cleaned the litterbox!”
“Liar!”

“Oh, um, hi, great grandmother.”
“Jessica, you look lovely. Shame my nose didn’t pass on.”

“Gads, babies stink!”

Oh please, Charles, you’re a werewolf, like you haven’t smelled worse.

Excuse me?

“Mwahahaha! My minions, we have captured one of the humans! Attack! Destroy her! Feast on her bones!”

“Gosh, it’s such a great day for boating!”

I’m pretty sure it’s still about 30 degrees out, but whatever… Floats your boat 😀

Meanwhile, our cat family continues. Meet Budge, who apparently came from the disco.

We got ourselves Cameo the horse for good measure, too.

“Greetings, equine companion. Tell me, what is that human complaining about?”
“Don’t ask. They ate his heart last week.”

“Yessssss, ice cream with bone powder…”

“Honey, the phone! How is it ringing off the hook?”
“Forget that, who broke the dishwasher?”

Never mind both of those, actually.

“Oh no, Mom!”

“Um, Mom, are you all right?”
“Look, did I have to die in the hallway? Stop grieving, there’s no room for the Reaper!”

“Um, excuse me, I can’t grieve over the human with this other human in the way!”

“Oh no, the greater human’s mate has died!”

Thus befell Tonya.

“Oh my gosh, I missed it?!”

I should probably send some of these graves off to the graveyard, but what would be the fun in that? And so Tonya can join our collection, free to argue with Zo and Charles over who gets the rocking chair.

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And that feels like a good place to end! Next time: Bruce realizing his wife is dead? Foals? Toddlers? The heat death of the universe as predicted by Thunder Horse? Find out next time.

Tschuess!