TS3 Legacy: Burn, Baby, Burn

breezeshadow

Hello, and welcome back to my TS3 Legacy, where we pee at weddings and murder our neighbors! Last time we were here, Tonya joined our ghost cult while Jessica and Trent had twins. Oh and we finally turned Jessica’s Imaginary Friend real. Now if I can just figure out how WordPress’s new ridiculous block editing works, perhaps we can rejoin the family in their madness.

So on the night of her mother’s death, Jessica apparently had enough of this shit, and decided to flee town.

“The things I’ve seen, man…”
Ah, yes, Natasha sitting in front of the fireplace. Truly a traumatizing sight.
Ah, the important discussions of cats.

“I like parrots, do you?”
“No. They suck.”
“Yeah well eagles suck too!”
“True. But not as much as parrots.”
“Hmph. I suspect that cat food is not meant to be fried and had with ice cream.”

Seriously, what is WITH that poor fritter? It looks like brains.
And now you get to see what the title is about!
“AAAAUGH I WAS ONLY TRYING TO CHANGE THE VOLUME”
“HISSSS THAT CHAIR SUCKS.”

Way to miss the real problem, Snowy.
“Holy shit, Trent, what did you do?! Pour gasoline on it?!”
“Oh my god, Trent, you’re in my way! I’M saving my stupid sister!”
“But I’m her husband!”
“Yeah, and so helpful so far!”
And that’s when Natasha decided to leave town.

“No time to put on real clothes, I’m out!”
Meanwhile, down at the town hall…

“Oh my gosh, I went fishing and ended up with two babies!”

Well maybe take them out of the snow?
You wouldn’t want your baby to end up like the gnomes, after all.

“Mwahahaha! Let us skate over the corpses of our enemies!”
Came back, eh, Natasha?

“I figured the twins should have one sane person in the house.”
Sane. Right.

“Oh boy, fried turkey!”
Hey, that paparazzi doesn’t look well, Cameo, think you could lick him or something?
‘
“And become even more dehydrated? I don’t think so.”
You don’t typically blend your pie filling with your pie crust, Bruce.
Great. That pumpkin pie will please.
I’m starting to suspect Lamont does not come to his parents’ house with good intentions.

“Yes, a bomb could fit in the rafters there…”
The family is thrilled about the twins’ birthday. No synchronized birthdays here, since that requires basic cooperation from my Sims.
Bruce, stop flirting with the guests. This is a kid’s birthday party!

“I’m evil, dude, what do you want.”
Surprisingly, I correctly surmised that this was Anna. She seems a bit bamboozled by becoming a toddler.
Trent, don’t you have a wife to help with the kids?

“Apparently not.”
Way to pick favourites, guys.

“Woo Christine!”
“We love your party, Christine!”
“Who served this god-awful pie?!”

Your son, who else.
And here’s Christine, who is definitely already plotting something.
Okay, guys, can we not try to off the unwanted offspring, sheesh.
“Oh my, aren’t you a strapping young lad. Perhaps my husband isn’t the only one who can cheat around here…”

Yeah, Mary Sue grew old rather fabulously.
I don’t typically redress Sims, but I think I did for these two. Here’s Christine…
And here’s Anna sporting way more awesome hair.
But of course, the kids were already forgotten by my family and the Meadow Thayer lookalike over there.

“Oh Trent, let’s make more kids to ignore!”
Sudden Zombie Syndrome: you never know when it will strike.
“And then he was all “Duh-hoy, how did I not notice that pitchfork?!”

I like Lauren is Bruce’s favourite. Two evil peas in a pod.
“Unca Nic, you stinky!”
“Why you, you’re the toddler! YOU’RE stinky!”
“Boo, Bruce, your family sucks!”
“Um, do I know you?”

Just your weird brother-in-law.
Thanks for feeding the kid, EvilGenius.
Oh. It was you?

“Well yeah, and what a lousy-ass party this is, having to feed the birthday kids and put them to bed. Do I look like a nanny?”

Considering the outfits my nannies have come in, yes.
Too bad Budge isn’t appreciative.

“Ow! Stupid cat! These shoes were NOT made for this!”
“So, what do you say? Be our nanny?”
“Are you serious? Your cat just attacked me!”
“Oh that’s just how he shows affection. So, $10 an hour good?”
“God I love having a sauna. This is so much better than figuring out why that lady was screaming.”
Lady, maybe it’s time to go home.

“First the cat, now this!”
Bruce.

“What?! I keep telling you, it’s natural!”

I don’t care if the mandate came from Will Wright himself, no walking around naked with the kids in your thought bubble!
Thankfully, Anna is safe from her crazy family, though not from choking hazards.

“This no taste wike lollipwop!”
Okay, someone needs to get this lady a psychiatrist.

“Mmmm, delicious rotten flowered onion!”
Why yes, I do love bandaids. My collection is quite impressive, you know. All shapes, sizes, patterns, limited edition…
Ah ha, now it’s really a party.

“You know, we really ought to be used to this by now.”
“Yessss, yessss, it worked, Daddy!”
“MWAHAHAHA!”
“MWAHAHAHA!”
“Excuse me, horse, this is not a salt lick!”
“Mmmmm, dried ectoplasm!”
I went digging through my Sim’s memories and I think that this is Leleani, one of Bex’s kids. Sorry, Bex.
“Well I guess that cowplant taught me, eh, Grim? Daddy’s not going to be impressed with me.”
“I’m telling you, this place is monstrous! They ignore their kids, serve rotten food, and they just killed someone! Definitely the go-to haunted house next year– oh shit, I think they heard me!”
So I’m fairly certain that we have two parties going on in these photos. That or we combined two birthdays and Christmas into a neverending night.
Okay, on second thought, maybe it IS one long party.

“Dad! I’m exhausted but at least I have bladder control!”
“Wow, honey, did you think that would make me hot?”
“Shut up Dan!”
If I had to guess, Captain Doofus here got out of bed JUST to pass out on the floor. I hate when Sims do that.
“Do you see what this random-ass dog did? Do you?!”

Dude, considering everything so far, it was probably on of you guys, not the mystery dog.
“Oh, great, now the TV is broken too!”
“Did one of your relatives pee on it?”
“Shut UP, Dan!”
“Well I had been hoping to have the appropriate background TV music, but I guess we’ll do it this way. Will you marry me and my Depends?”
“Oh Natasha, I thought you’d never ask! I might put pottytraining into the prenup, though, just saying.”
If she’s annoying you so much, Rosalind, you could feed her.

“Look, if I’m going to be your after-death servant, I at least deserve a slice of cake.”
“Anna! Were you here all night?”

It appears so. Get that child fed and in bed before the social worker shows up.
“*sigh* I have heard of the One Great Human, but I feel unworthy of his incorporeal presence…”
“No, human, I will not go anywhere with you!”
“B-But you’re so pretty! You’ll win any show!”
“Stop staring at my butt first and maybe you can ride me.”
“Augh! Cosmo, don’t look now, but an evil gnome is trying to jump for your tail!”
“AUGH!”
The tragic thing is that this guy’s outfit is pretty NORMAL for my town.
“I saw it written through the ages. Rotten stew is the first sign. Soon fire will rain upon us all.”
“Jess, Jess, what impression am I doing, guess!”
“Dad, you’re just growing old.”
“No, no, I’m a cowplant!”
“Oh god, this magic belt hit me right in the coccyx!”
For the love of god, would one of you clean the kitchen already?!

“But deep fried bacon is better with filth!”
“Oh boy, another baby to ignore!”

And that seems a good time to end this chapter, no? Next time: more twins? Fire raining from the sky? Natasha and Dan finally being allowed to live together? Find out next time, and stay safe out there, everyone.

TS3 Legacy: Burn, Baby, Burn

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