Hello everyone and welcome back to my TS3 legacies. I’ve been trying to work on this post for weeks now, something not helped by Sims 3 and my new laptop having disagreements with each other. Sims 3 loooooves to ask for more memory than it actually knows how to handle, and unfortunately, my laptop can actually meet the request. Lots of crashing and Error Code 12, but anyway!

Last time we were here, evil heir Bruce Whelohff permanently slipped into death’s clutches, his last living evil deed being to glitch up Grim royally. We finally moved in Nicole’s beau, Dan, and at the request of his parent Bex, turned him into a vampire. Because when you have a ten-year-old legacy, you gotta add immortal Sims!

I assume this isn’t the bird murder it looks like, but honestly that wouldn’t be the most twisted thing to come out of my Sims.

“Wasn’t I just heart-farting someone?”

Eh, gotta do chores at some point.

Sometimes it means putting the kid in kid jail. This thing kind of drives me nuts, though, as my Sims are SO bad at getting the kids back OUT of it.

And sometimes it means, er, discussing bandaids on the front porch?

“Sigh, you see, I had the booboo because I was trying out this sensational new coffee recipe…”

“It required me to chop up veggies — maybe it was like a caffeinated V8? Anyway, the red was more than just tomato, let me say that.”

Well apparently Shaun was into that.

Nothing boosts starting relationships in Sims 3 like compatible signs. Combining that with the heart farting can get you pretty far pretty quickly, which is nice in a game where building relationship involves an insane amount of effort.

Gossiping about your siblings helps, too!

“OMG, Victoria knows how to paint, how crazy is that?!”

Celebrity Gossip sucks.

“I know I’m dressed like an emo punk rocker, but honestly I just really like pink.”

Christine and Raymond, meanwhile, like nuclear waste and incense. Might be the same thing, really.

“Hmmmm, I wonder if I could discreetly dump some into their toilet…”

“Nah, rubbish idea.”

Speaking of rubbish ideas…

“Come on, Raymond, first kiss?”

“Um, no, see, I kind of just want to inflict hell on you all.”

“Especially since you’re burping in my face.”

Yeah, things are going real well for the teens, especially for that dude whose head is caught in the door.

“Come ooooon, just one little kiss? My sister was heartfarting you. I want to claim you first!”

Steven was not having to resort to begging.

“Hey weird paparazzi-like dude, maybe you could help me get a first kiss?”
“Um, I think that’s illegal.”
“Not you, dumbass!”

Again, Steven did not have to resort to any foul play.

“Hey Shaun, I know we’ve only known each other for like five minutes, but wanna go steady?”

See? Sign compatibility and heart-farting, you heard it here… Well, probably not first.

“Fascinating technique, fascinating, now tell me, how do you feel so I can print it in all of the major tabloids and finally get my own nest?”

“Poor Vicky, how long have you been trapped here?”
“I have seen eons, bwotha.”

“Ugh, what do you MEAN, I have a curfew?”

Poor Anna. She has the worst luck.

“Jeez, dude, don’t you have a life? I’m right outside my front door!”

“Come on, this so isn’t fair. We live at the end of the street, barely any neighbours. How could we make that much noise?”
“Well the guy screaming when he fused with the door, for one.”

Ah, such a welcoming, caring community.

So naturally I sent her to fix the dishwasher that I swear to god is never actually functional.

“Ugh, a ghost! That I’ve been seeing my whole life!”

“Come on, dude, I’m hungry, hurry up!”

Sure, I mean, never mind Anna in the background there.

“Ugh, a ghost!”
“Ugh, a broken dishwasher!”

Good priorities, guys.

“So you want me to give her a good scare?”
“What?! No! Paparazzi are the only ones who feed us, sometimes!”
“Bummer.”

She’s also willing to pick up the flamingos!

Jessica, there is no way I dressed you like that. Even I know that clashes, and I will happily wear stripes with spots.

Er, Anna?

“I don’t know, but even I disgust me.”

“B-Budge? You’re being friendly? Well hello!”

Probably social was so low that being friendly was the only option left.

Dan, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to use paint on a canvas, not crayons.

“Says you!”

And I now present to you, “EvilGenius fishes through the earth.”

“Grrrr, unhand me, invisi-fish!”

“You may twist my head off, but you’ll never take me alive!”

“For I will grow a third back leg and catch your slippery ass!”

“Yeah, that’s right, even with my limbs displaced in many different directions, I still won!”

And then he promptly ate the fish. We hope you enjoyed this glitched-up presentation.

And if you didn’t, perhaps this nightmare fuel will be enjoyed instead!

Budge, it’s very nice of you to feed the toddler but was this necessary?

(I just had a giggle fit loud enough to wake the IRL cat)

I’m… Not sure why I took this. Maybe Emilia’s new beau?

No matter. Here’s EvilGenius and Victoria enjoying some time together.

“Actually I’m stuck.”

Well yeah, that’s what happens when there’s a cat on your lap.

“Does your family ever take care of their own kids? Ever?”
“No, but they also don’t typically impale their necks.”

“Alas, if only I could eat a plate, but instead, I shall starve right to death…”

You’re surrounded by grass, Drifter.

Well at least they fed the kid before groping each other. Gotta love how much Christine cares.

So Victoria invited over a classmate and as you can see, they were really getting along.

“Augh, don’t give me that look! I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it!”

“Well good, because you really suck, you know that?!”

Can’t imagine why Victoria doesn’t have any friends.

Stephen, meanwhile, loves to do laundry autonomously. Seriously. Most of my sims only want to grab the fresh laundry but he happily wanders the house getting clothes to throw in.

After all, Anna is busy creeping out the horses.

I, er. It’s not what it looks like.

It’s still creepy, but it’s not what it looks like.

“Do you mind, Puzzle, I have to repair this thing before cleaning the grime.”

Paint, Dan, not crayons. Paint.

Meanwhile I nearly kill his wife. Oops.

And Drifter feels the need for spee– uh, sparklies.

Not as sparkly as our disco zombie, but still.

“Braaaaains and raaaaaaaves!”

Oooh, I should make a party venue called that.

Get your faerie a high enough hidden level and they can repair things in faerie mode. Quite handy, if odd-looking.

Not as odd as a horse fishing, but still, odd.

Er, Dan, did you put on makeup? Or wipe the strawberry ice cream all over your face? Something…?

“Look, man, we’ve got harpy paparazzi, cats that morph into monsters to feed our toddlers, ghost addicted to fried food… You don’t scare me.”
“Oh fine. I just want the rocking chair anyway.”

“Tonya, your dad is creeping on the stairs again.”
“And you expect me to do something?”
“Well no, it’s clear all you people do is make ice cream and fried food.”
“Damn straight.”

Well, almost all of them.

“Grandpa! There’s gross ice cream! Don’t you want that?”
“Nope. Even as a ghost, I prefer real food!”

“Look, dude, I need to go to school or at least go pee, so could you stop blocking the bed?”
“Never, Steven. We belong together.”

“Ugh, you again! Like there aren’t enough ghosts.”
“Shut up, Tonya, you’re lucky I married you and left you alive!”
“Yeah yeah, like they all say.”

Meanwhile, absurdly far away, in the dead of a tropical winter…

“Huff, huff, the military has gone crazy with these workouts!”

“Huff, huff, all of this for a stupid gem, huff!”

Hey, you’re on the collector rotation right now, so get with it.

“But I’m exhausted!”

Oh just get the gem and go home.

But instead…

“Man I don’t feel right. Maybe I shouldn’t have stored the gem in my stomach.”

“Huzzah, hooray me, I got a gem!”
“Whatever, loser.”

“Hmph, my nephew just left me here! Guess I’ll watch you.”

“Hooray, huzzah, you’re growing as old as me!”

“Come on, get on with it! I’ll whack you with my cane!”

“AUGH WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME”
“Oh I just launched some Imaginary Friend saliva at you. No big.”

“Here, have some more!”
“AAAAUGH!”

And so Trent grew up old on the sidewalk with a former Imaginary Friend — Peanut, maybe? — as the witness.

Anna, honey, could you maybe not ignore the evil cat on the counter? Kind of easy for him to get to a jugular right now.

“Trash, nothing but trash! Rotten ice cream, rotten fried food, caked up counters, and don’t ask about the dishwasher.”

Or the unrendered baby cowplant. I’m assuming this is an art gallery that Ann is adding a personal touch to, but who knows.

“How about I punch you in the throat, huh?”

“OW! THAT HURT!”

“No, really, that stung!”
“AUGH WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!”

“Ugh, I feel like I’m going to vomit–“
“YOU do?! I’m surrounded by purple fizz!”

“Your sister is pretty fine, by the way.”
“Heh heh heh, that’s what you think…”

“WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?!”
“Oh shut up, Anna, sheesh.”

“Um, are you supposed to dunk your head in the fizz?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s good for baking?”

“Oh my god, you grew nipples!”

“Yaaaaay, you can’t stalk me anymore!”
“This sucks.”

“Hello, evil kitty! You don’t like flowers either, do you? No siree!”

Well at least it looks less like a bird murder this time. And this was probably autonomous, though I don’t think Steven even has Neat or anything like that. He’s just strange.

“Uh, didn’t I grow up on the sidewalk?”

Yeah but my game probably crashed. This is a 9th generation legacy, mate.

“Um, gross. Can I go to bed now?”

Poor Patches gets to miss out on a bed until someone finally dies or moves out. So sad– anyway.

Um, can I help you?

“Yes, I’m tired and–“

No going in the house. Not even with the flamingos’ permission.

“Fine, then I’ll just stare at this lizard near this glitched up fire pit!”

Seriously, what is going on with that thing? Freakin’ Sims 3 graphics.

Speaking of, that is quite a unique way to housetrain yourself, Drifter. I’ll go get the tools to pry you out of the balcony.

“Oh, hi, big horsie! Say, can you get me into the house?”

“Man, this is great. Food, plumbing, and I can still stalk you!”
“Yeah, great. How can I get his head here instead…”

“Grrr, getting to the ice cream before me! I’ll fight you!”
“Sure, dad, whatever.”

Okay, seriously, that is not a fritter. That’s a brain or a sausage but so not a fritter.

Uh oh, Mr. Emo is playing the part!

“I thought you didn’t want me around? Now you’re stalking me back?”

“If I don’t look at him, he will just go away…”
“Uh, I was here first.”

“Er, Steven? Earth to Steven?”

“Well that was weird.”

What in the world are you doing?

Okay, bathroom, could have gone there first and saved some time–

“I’M STARVING!”

Okay, weirdo, you know food doesn’t come from the toilet, so why don’t you try the KITCHEN.

Sims.

“Er, how long has this child been here? And what’s happening to the playpen?”
“Daddy! Hewp!”

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Well on that dull note, I’m ending this so I can actually post something instead of forgetting for another week! Sorry not much happened; I promise we’ll eventually get to the next generation and to the end! If my computer lets me. So next time: Will we find out the heir? Watch someone hit a LTW? Get stuck in a groundhog loop thanks to my computer crashing? See you then, and be well.