Look, if I can’t make bad puns, then can I really live?
Welcome back to my TS3 legacy. Last time, we finally had all of the kids we needed, and even managed not to kill any! In fact, Madeleine reached her toddler years unscathed. So let’s see if they can keep that up, eh?
We continue with Madeleine’s birthday party, where apparently, everyone just hangs out by the front door. Also since when has that gargoyle statue looked like a steampunk pug? The things I can see with this new computer…
I’d say Steven had to wash off the crowds, but apparently he just wanted to traumatize the cat.
“HOW CAN I SLEEP WITH THIS VISION?!”
“So, um, when can you move out?”
“Dada?”
“I take it that means ‘not any time soon’?”
“Dada!”
“I knew you didn’t want us, Dad.”
“Christine, could you please stop trying to fuse into me?”
“No. Not when I know you all hate us.”
Speaking of hate in the family…
“Wa-wait a minute! I thought I’d live forever! I didn’t even get to finish my damn cake!”
Sorry, Bruce. Pure evil can keep you alive for only so long, love.
“You thought you could evade me forever, didn’t you darling? Not some young kid anymore, are you?!”
“Oh. So poison does work.”
Seriously, she’s got that “little girl in front of the house fire” face on.
“I mean, um, THIS IS TERRIBLE OH MY GOD!”
“WOULD THAT BABY STOP SCREAMING!”
“CRAP I JUST REALIZED I’LL BE STUCK WITH HIIIIIM!”
“Wow they sure are upset about me!”
“LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!”
“Girl you are so dramatic. This is like the third time I’ve done this.”
Um. Guess Tonya decided she had enough?
“AUGH NOW I’M CHOKING ON MY OWN SPIT!”
Where the fuck is Grim I swear.
Meanwhile, in the baby room…
“Soooo, should we wake her? Or investigate the sobbing in the kitchen?”
“I vote just stare at her.”
“Grim. ‘Bout time you showed up.”
“WAAAAGH IS THAT GREASE I SLIPPED ON.”
“Let me try that again. Bruce, it is your ti– LOOK AT ME WHEN I REAP YOU!”
“Bro, you took like ten years to get here. Hurry it up.”
“I fucking mean it this time, you little shit.”
“Look, I’m tired of your face too.”
“I’m so sick of you, you twerp, constantly getting out of my clutches! Where are you going?!”
“AUGH YOU POSSESSED MY SCYTHE!”
“AAAAAUGH SOMEONE GET SOME ECTOPLASM!”
I’m giggling so hard at these that the cat pulled her ears back.
“FUCK that hurt.”
“I can’t watch anymore! There’s ichor dripping everywhere!”
“I ought you to DESTROY you–“
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Grim, it was graphical glitches! And you took forever to show up!”
“I mean, you took so long that even staring at Christine got boring!”
“Now REAP ME ALREADY, and let me get some piece and quiet!”
“AUGH THAT HUUUUUUURT–“
I have never caught the moment they were reaped. Ouch!
“OW THAT HIT MY FOOT!”
Damn but isn’t that a fancy urn. Of course the evil guy got his aspiration quest done; this is my game, after all.
“Jessica, you are fiiiine.”
Like this evening wasn’t traumatizing enough.”
Er, is she sobbing over her father or serenading Grim?
“Oh Grim you lovely old bag’o’bones,
You come into homes with your scythe,
Yet I know beneath the cold ol’ rumbled-robes,
There’s a fiery heart full of gold!”
You have to pronounce fiery with three syllables for that to work. Also apparently this is what happens when I write while fighting off/recovering from a migraine.
Grim wasn’t into it, evidently.
Or was he?
“Hmmm, I mean it was a tuneless droll, but somehow it made my invisible feet want to dance anyway!”
And so we get another lovely grave to join the poolside pavilion.
The hell are you sad for, Budge?! You hate everyone!
“I miss clawing his toes!”
Look, your bed is RIGHT THERE.
But alas, Sims are no match for an imaginary friend that they could easily step over.
Christine, I’m pretty sure life isn’t so bad that you have to try and end it like an idiot.
Though to be fair the shadows with no physical object to form them are a bit weird.
It’s “acknowledge we have pets, you asses” day. Though we’re getting serious side-eye from Boogie there.
But what’s this? A buffet and wedding cake that Cameo is trying very hard to stench up?
“Um, honey, maybe go back to scowling. Your smile is kind of terrifying.”
“But… But I wanna play ball!”
“Oh my god, Trent, a wedding cake! Can it be–“
“I’m trying to brood here, if you don’t mind.”
Why is everyone basically sharing formal wear.
Also, do it. Get on the horse. You know you want to.
“Can you believe it? We’re getting married!”
Yes, finally Nicole gets to marry Daniel. I don’t recall any rules against it, and even if there are, fuck it. I’ve kept this legacy alive for at least ten years without losing it, and I even have it on a new computer now, so if I want to play around with the rules, I’ll play around with the bloody rules. God knows I fail at ’em anyway.
“So, um, why am I leaving the lot?”
Because the horse needs exercise and you need riding skill now that Bruce is dead.
“Oh my god, a horse! I remember those! I love them!”
Um, the service is behind you, hon.
“Great, I marry the girl with the worthless umbrella.”
Apparently the useless umbrella is invisible. And the groom wears ripped jeans for the ceremony. Classy!
Er, did she just conjure that thing?
“AUGH I CAN’T TAKE THAT CREEPY UMBRELLA!”
Daniel, please wait until AFTER the rings are exchanged to have your breakdown.
I’m glad you both like him.
Too bad you took too long and apparently you’re boring the old lady.
Ah, what a pristine location for a wedding.
With weird white hearts floating down from no where.
“Yaaaaawn, Dad’s death was more fun than that.”
Well, yeah, it’s not often Grim breaks down in the middle of a job.
Look, at least she HAS an umbrella, you fucking complainers.
“What… What is this stuff, Drifter?!”
Okay but why is Steven better dressed than the freakin’ groom?
“AUGH A DRESS WAS A BAD IDEA!”
Boogie looks like he’s enjoying this a bit too much.
“Oh, the love of my life, I will ignore your cellphone for you!”
Please eat the cake before the rain melts it.
“Look, I FINALLY managed to get married to the love of my life, now fuck all the way off!”
Er, I didn’t mean feed the horse cake.
“Never mind them, it’s my birthday!”
Oh. Oops.
Well at least Grandma cares. Dad, not so much.
“What the… I look like a dweeb!”
“Yes, yes! Soon my plan will be complete!”
Can you guess his favourite colour?
Psyche, it’s pink. No clue why I did his room in red.
Hey, the wallpaper has pink roses, close enough!
“Mom, why am I on kid duty instead of Dad?”
“Do you remember ever seeing him when YOU were a kid?”
Gotta keep the clones fed.
Nicole finally gets to move to Bruce’s old room, and for whatever reason, dreams about the asshole cat.
Ah, the nightly “ghosts decided to make ice cream and woke everyone up”. Why I don’t sell that thing, I do not know.
“Hmmm, the art in here is… Weird.”
For real, though, what was I thinking?
Holy crap, Christine feels an emotion other than disgust sometimes!
Um, what’s going on out here?
“Whicheva horsie I like most gets to change me!”
“Weeee pee sparklies!”
We interrupt this birthday to bring you our latest paparazzi. The harpies have fallen on hard times.
“What did I get into? The kids are left random outside and there’s ten thousand ghosts!”
“God, pwease get me away from this famwy!”
Daniel is an Absent-Minded, Artistic, Loser Loner who Loves the Outdoors. What a fucking catch.
“Thank goodness Drifter gave me a clean pair of undies.”
I mean, I had to make him goth! Steven is an Excitable Frugal Perfectionist who Hates the Outdoors. And he can rock some black lipstick.
So CAS went “Okay how about old man hair and sideburns?” So close, CAS. So close.
“Um, that puddle was Madeleine. Totally not me.”
Speaking of Madeleine, apparently we’re trying to kill her again. Luckily Daniel hasn’t figured that out yet.
“Ugh, disgusting! That kid has the shrillest cry!”
So, as always, I have a lot of potions to use up, and Daniel came in already an Adult.
Sure, I could age him down, but he would still die eventually.
No, Trent, EvilGenius isn’t the evil one, it’s Budge. Get it right.
“Um, how do I tell him his skin doesn’t match his tie?”
Yep, Daniel’s a vampire now. He and Nicole can live together forever, because this game file doesn’t have enough issues.
Since Bex is Daniel’s kid in the game, I let them pick which supernatural he became, and they chose Vampire. Doesn’t really fit since Daniel’s a dork, but hey! The lord hath spoken and they chose Vampire.
Victoria! She’s cute enough. Eccentric, Excitable, No Sense of Humour. I produce the best Sims.
“Yeah, that’s right, Drifter, take the apple. You know you want to.”
Jessica, please don’t torture the animals.
Speaking of torture…
“I’m alive!”
“Whatever, I’m going to bed.”
Budge, you can’t trip Tonya. She doesn’t have feet anymore.
I have no clue why I took this picture.
Enjoy, I guess?
“What? My sister did WHAT?!”
The family has been in this house HOW long and I only just noticed that statue. Good, me.
“Ugh, imaginary friends stink.”
What the…?!
“Weeee puddles!”
No seriously, this house is a fucking mess all of the time. I really need to just hire a maid for them.
Not helped by punk roocker Madeleine here.
Oh, good, we replaced the harpy paparazzi with the fucking creeper paparazzi.
“Sir, I am not inviting you in, now stop merging with the door.”
“Quick, get those out of his sight. They’re onto us!”
So yeah, this guy literally stood there blocking the front freakin’ door.
And he wasn’t even HAPPY about it!
“Ugh, this house! I think I’m going to hurl!”
So we took care of him.
Christine isn’t Evil — in fact, she’s Good — but she only smiles during evil deeds.
Okay, why do the other bugs get a nice little terrarium but we leave these guys with nothing at all? Cruel, Sims, cruel.
“Fuck this! I’m out of here! I’m too cool for this place!”
Girl, how hard is it to walk another two feet and fish.
“I see you there, Victoria. Don’t make me stuff you in that pillowcase.”
Gosh, Sims love a good talk by the toilet, in the hardest-to-photograph room.
But what’s this? Our teenaged heir heart-farting over another Sim?
Well you’ll get to find out who next time! Has Anna found her one true love? Will Jessica ever learn to ride a horse? Will I ever update on a normal schedule? Find out next time. Dobranoc; stay well.
Into the Sims 